4 months into the journey at an ambitious streaming startup we, a team of 10 engineers (primarily full stack), sets up a tiny and performant express.js api setup.
We document plans for improving the maintainability, including outlining specific practices (not very different from general node best practices) that need to be followed for all new development.

Enter a new engineering manager (dedicated backend manager), henceforth referred to as S, with a rat face and brain that belongs in a rat hole.

Week 1:
S: let's push this new feature out asap
Dev: it'll need a couple of weeks to get done right
S: let's push out a functional version tomorrow, and revamp in the next iteration
Dev: ... (long pause) there's documented practices specifically directing against this
S: can you not do it by tomorrow
Dev: not if it needs to be done right
S: all you need to do is.. (simplifies changes spanning 5 modules into a 3 line summary)
Dev: yes, (outlines how each changes chains into the others, and how to keep the development maintainable for atleast a few months)
S: (interrupts every sentence saying "yes dev, I understand, yes yes")
Dev: could you please tell me how you expect me to connect (outlines two modules that would fail unless developed as standalone services)
S: Yes dev, I understand, yes yes. I don't have much experience with Node.js, so I can't tell you that.

Dev:
<_<
>_>
O_<

Our.. entire.. backend.. stack.. is.. Node. (Months of motivation, cultivated through hard work over late nights, dies inside)

I need a J and some sleep.

Why can I not add a hairstyle, and expression to my duck?

@dfox not sure if I'm ready to identify with a duck who doesn't share my hair and always-suspicious look.

The first time you receive a recurring invitation from the client for a scrum.
"This just became a job!'

Got noticed by the creator, the first time after sneaking around here for 3 years.
*feels awesome*

While everyone is talking to ducks around here, I'm more of a Samurai person.

Meet Hakuna, the code samurai who slices and dices the latest JS frameworks, and slashes server architecture with a swift, but nifty flick of his plastic sword.

Two companion samurais arriving soon.

An asshole ex-client who owes me in excess of $1000, and doesn't intend to pay, has left me on their Twilio administration (unknowingly clearly) panel. I have the option of requesting around 30+ Cayman Islands numbers to auto charge his card enough to offset the debt.

Hmmmm.

I resolved to spend more time with the family this month, leaving my laptop behind when visiting them for the end of the year.
Now, 10 days later we're all bored of each other and I truly, deeply, and most sincerely miss my beloved laptop.
All I can do is refresh the devRant app, and fantasise while reading about others working on their machines, and posting formatted photos of code snippets. Like some weird, twisted form of instagram-addiction.

"We have a rockstar react dev on our side"

*Me, after deploying my first react based app using CRA to bootstrap*

<_<

>_>

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
'I guess this is my life now'

Cool story bro.

I want to build sentiments into the lexical analysis part of compilers, just so that every time my coworker tries to compile his "work", the computer prints,
"*sigh* Brian, just... *sigh*"

super.rant("
When you feel the fart breaking through all barriers, just as the barber leans in to get that untidy patch on the back of your head, and yet he pretend like nothing happened.
");

I need 750++'s to get my avatar a pair of slippers that I got for free after quitting my job for which the shoes came free.
#include "irony.much";

Creating the same picture in drawing class, and by making a turtle walk across the screen.
That's also when I realized painting was never to be my thing.

When your government's trusted CA doesn't trust its own certificate.

Early morning I walk in to a build failure email.
"Oh shit! It failed and I'm on the Cc list."
.
"Please don't be me. Please don't be me. Didn't I build it already?" *compulsively launches local build*
*Ctrl-C's current build and feels angry for doubting self*
*Repeats, while trying to replay the incidents of last night in the head.*
"Fuck this. I'm certain I built the module."
.. scrolls email ..
"This is not even my change!"
.. scroll ..
"This is not even my code base!"
*feels foolish, but MAJORLY relieved*