I opened a tutorial in youtube about web development , suddenly enter wix add
"You need a website why not do it yourself"
Me: no shit thats my job to work on a website but not on wix

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..

The floor is Writing librarie documentation

I once met a very cute client. Inner me was saying​ to go and get this girl. But company's code of conduct is completely against it that an employee shouldn't ask his/her clients out with you or date with him/her. Even my colleagues knew me as a man of criteria. So I leave
.
.
.
.
.
the Code of Conduct and now she is my gf. :)

My boss just revised my report and sent it back with new file names. Memes have officially infiltrated the workplace.

As mobile developer why my time in the office is mostly used for meetings than doing code. :|

Android dev rant:

>Fixing some code
>Compile code
>Take a walk, waiting for gradle to finish compiling
>Almost 10 mins, notice typo on code, while still running gradle
>Fixing some code
>Compile code
>Take a... Wait a minute

When you are fasting and bored AF😂😂

👍👍😂😂

Me waiting for Gradle to finish building

When the code runs perfectly on the very first hit.

Leaving swift be like....

When your mind is so fuck that you use mouse to change the A.C temperature instead of it's remote.

When you need multiple alarms to get your fat ass up.

I broke up with my girlfriend today

She asked me a help of a some real time issue.
What she actually want to accomplished is to copy content through mouse from one laptop, unplugged the mouse, plugging in the mouse to other laptop and trying to paste content there.

Office Mouse parking 😄😄

CS final exam in 20 min wish me luck😊

Boss: we have a project, we will need an application on Mac with objective-c.

Me: But I am a Java developer, I never touched a Mac or objective-c !

Boss: it's ok, use Google, you will find some useful stuff there..

Me: But..

Boss: we have a week for a demo

Guys, please help me answer this intellectual being. The more stupid the answer, the better. Even better is if there is like a fake loooooonnnngggg step by step guide of it. NB: tafadhali == please.

Half life of Android Developer is taken by build.gradle.

If you want a career where you can never do enough to make clients happy, choose web development.

Absolutely right!!!!