Hey to be fair, most of high management is like "yeah this jenkins build has been green 100% of the time for 6 months, everything works as intended!"

Yaaaar ho har me matey,
Navigating the vast sea web are we,
Ever the time to plunder some booty,
A piratey life, ain't it, for you and me.

Is that a real life experience? If yes, yikes.

*sigh* My employer is pushing the timelines to discuss raises and my boss told me they probably cannot match inflation in my country, which is a whopping 4.1%.

There has been a 10% layoff and some key people also left, making work more difficult, but profits have been good, though less than expected given overoptimistic financial forecasts. These fucks thought 2020 to 2023 were normal years for tech lol. Typical bunch of assholes like most other execs in tech companies.

Also, still haven't received my tax slips for fuck's sake and the due date is tomorrow. Someone is definitely bullshitting around. This is a goddamn multinational and they still cannot figure out this shit for all the time I worked there. Not like a good CPA here is expensive, especially coming from a company with a lot of american money.

If I get 0%, I am leaving their ass asap as soon as I secure another job. I am alone on a single project which is a big dependency for other teams.

But what if I am aware that if I take the first marshmallow now, the experiment is done and I can get marshmallows on my own afterwards instead of waiting?

Ok the little kids are probably not aware of that.

But yeah, not sure what conclusions we can really take out of that experiment to be fair.

@ars1

from bullshit import is_the_ceo_ai

If is_the_ceo_ai():
print("Let's see if we can optimize the processes.")

else:
print("We need to align on doing a 180 and improve our synergy.")

Cute lil' guy/gal. Seems like a young cat. :)

@dissolvedgirl are you telling me my homemade TCP stack implementation in javascript is trash? But... but... I optimized it for my project.

@tosensei most likely trolling

It's definitely a pretty frustrating situation when you are asked to compensate for barely competent employees.

Did the manager hire offshore juniors because they cost practically nothing? If that is the case, I would get away asap.

@lungdart sure but at the same time, what happens when nobody at work gives a shit about what you do even though you try to involve them in the process without using too much technical jargon, to make them understand how important the work you do is. Let's call it what it is, hand holding basically. But as soon as you leave, the company would start burning like a pile of coal lol.

You can try to improve your visibility if you are not skilled at it assuming people care, but otherwise might as well fuck off elsewhere.

Sometimes, issues at work can be explained by "I work with morons".

@aviophille true alphas don't need to pay.

You just assert dominance by saying "do you know who I am? You should pay me for my presence, cunt."

If that does not work or don't get at the very least a 20 AUD in your hands, you rip off your shirt, urinate in a circle around yourself, do a backflip and growl like a jackal for 2.5 seconds and pull up purple nunchakus ready for some action, if you know what I mean.

Trust me, it works every time.

No, I am not Australian.

Screw with him.

Tell him you daily consume Halal pork and occasionally sacrifice children to the old gods so they can temporarily upgrade your internet connection so you can download thrice as much hardcode non-binary fury porn in 4k with flak audio, to which you will listen to in reverse on a cathodic TV screen while cooking goat cheeze filled frittata, which is legally required according to your family's lawyer... so you basically got your hands tied.

@MammaNeedHummus not much can be done sadly even up to high management. I guess letting go is the best option sometimes haha.

Thanks for the cheer up, still.

@Isirant sorry they put you through this, they don't have really good work ethics.

Merges with faulty code is as much their fault.

Me: "So I created these modular and dynamic libs, tried my best to document them and make it as easy as possible to understand. You guys can reuse it in your own projects. I gave you peer reviewer rights so we can improve it over time."

Fucknugget dev: **proceeds to commit a 100 condition if branch hell directly on master for different string values because it fits their use case somehow**

Me: **sigh** "here goes forking again... you fucks never learn."

And yeah before you ask, asking management to force minimal standards does not work. I get served inclusivity and tolerance bullshit to mask mediocrity.

Fuck I'm tired of working for nothing.

@asgs so everything gets rushed because higher management makes a push on the engineering teams to deliver something working to customers because promises were made 6-12 months ago by Sales team.

And the problem lies in there: fucking sales team, as usual, does not communicate properly with engineering and once they have an engagement in concrete, it is hard for engineering to manage. They have to commit to inflexible estimates at long term but RnD at long term is dicey at best.

QA gets the most fucked over because they have to rush test a feature in automation in a few weeks and bugs or design problems are not taken seriously until customers find them.

@AlmondSauce yeah it was mostly a rant on a crappy company process I guess. I am sure code freezing, like any tool, has its purpose if used properly.

@tosensei so then you need tests to test the libs that are used for tests... wait a minute.

He was possibly on crack-cocaine.

On a similar level of micromanagement retardation, management once suggested using the number of commits and pull requests for a given time frame as a measurement of dev performance, and they call it fucking KPI, these fucknuggets.

I am lucky because most of my colleagues don't know git's intricacies so they are pretty bad with it. Sometimes they just commit on master lol. But I guess I am also kinda fucked using commit squashing if management actually acts on it.

Oh well, I don't give a fuck anymore.

I feel you mate.

A senior contacted me recently because he needed urgent help with passing host ressources to docker containers we use for tests and managers were requesting my help. So I give him a bunch of ways to do it on the dockerfile or the Linux command line, and the use case was vague to me but I wanted to help.

And then he is like "I don't really do this, I just run the tests from jenkins and check the results. Can this be done in jenkins?"

Got so many instance of bullcrap like this.

FML

You can tell him: "I don't have any money but what I can do is give you a free 60 minutes session on my hardcore furry porn OF with me thanking you for your contribution at the end of the day."

Let's be fair, was drinking at 2PM out of the question no matter what happened?

I wonder what happened to the company I worked at where the most viable solution IT was willing to maintain for my core product CI was scripts running on CircleCI establishing an ssh connection on raspberry pis with default credentials (yup pi/pi lol) using a tunnel with ngrok.

What the hell was IT even thinking. I suggested a local/remote jenkins server which usually works fine with embedded projects, but they did not want to work with it. Instead, let's screw around with an insecure ssh inception mess, sure, mate.

Meh this company is probably fucked today lol.

@netikras oooohooh let the motherfucker burn! Burn motherfucker.

Holy jesus tits I asked my managers (or any similar mid-manager) to autogenerate weekly reports and time sheets from JIRA. EVERYTHING is there you absolute fucks and I don't have admin rights. I would do it if I could abstract this crap from my work, but I am not allowed. But yeah, they either refuse or forget about it every single time. I just gave up, just fucking pay me and I'll botch it on godforsaken Teams DM like you asked.

I don't really want to become a manager and babysit people, but at the same time some fucking order is required in this shit stew of a company.

It is so bad that devs are complaining about boring manual tasks flooding their schedule and management wants to ship the manual work to new hires offshore on the cheap instead of asking devs to automate it. Can't make this shit up lol.

@AlmondSauce junior is on track for an unexpected wild ride hehe

Manager: you told me you would do this in x time and could not, this will be noted in your performance review. Btw, do you mind coming in this weekend for unpaid over time?

@b2plane it's like Dropbox!

WFH: I am in this zoom meeting only with a shirt and my boxers on and nobody knows or care.

WFO: What do you mean wearing jeans is not appropriate clothing etiquette for the office? ffs let me do my job.