That twenty-minute shouting phone call should really have been an email. Or just nothing.

As soon as the shouting stops, I will begin the process of clearing my head. About 20 minutes after the shouting stops, I will be able to do some work.

Unfortunately, about 10 minutes after the shouting stops, it starts again.

And then it will be lunchtime.

And then there will be more shouting.

And then it will be the end of the day.

Fuck you, Acrobat Reader.

Fuck your whole family, your cat and your dog and your pig.

It's nearly May. I am therefore going to start referring to apples as "tree potatoes" whenever possible.

The plural of schema is schemata, and the plural of index is indices.

Words with irregular plurals are interesting, stop trying to force them to be like normal words.

This morning it seems all my blood has been taken out and replaced with piss.

Coffee just makes it feel like hot piss.

At some point, someone on the visual studio team thought: what people need is a clicky-draggy gui for editing yaml files for github actions.

And instead of throwing him unceremoniously out of the window, the rest of the team agreed, and said: yes, that's a great idea, it will be almost as useful as that clicky-draggy gui for editing sql commands.

Wordpress.

Dogshit.

That is all. Thank you for listening.

Cauliflower is the devil's broccoli.

Ah, dependabot, you annoying little gimp.

Delivery guy tried to make small talk, and I immediately got a visual migraine aura. Coincidence? Arse.

Gargoyle sucking its own todger, of the day.

No, that "save as" dialog you made yourself is not better than the one built in to the OS.

The hills are alive.

For the love of buggery, stop watching bloody videos on your bloody phone with the bloody volume turned up.

I was thinking about something, just starting to get in the zone, when suddenly that tinny little speaker opened up a portal into the howling chaos of the underworld.

It sounds like cats fucking in an empty grain silo.

For the next half an hour, there is no room in my head for anything apart from the diabolical echoes of that bollock-wrenchingly hideous noise.

What I need is an automatic banner that pops up at the top of the screen, saying:
YOU'RE ON THE WRONG BRANCH YOU RETARD
In big red letters.
No idea how to go about automating that, and I suspect it would probably be on the screen more or less permanently, but I reckon it's a useful tool.

My daughter says I look like a mad scientist from a cartoon.

Best compliment ever.

Wait, the electrode does what? All I wanted to do is light the grill.

I think I might have OD'd on homemade pizza.

Why is the internet suddenly trying to sell me covers for colostomy bags? Does it know something I don't? Should I be concerned?

The amazon music app.
I don't know what's more annoying. Is it the general shittiness of it, the way they've made trying to find anything into some kind of fucked up magic mushroom experience?
Or is it the fact that they've intentionally made it shit because their marketing knobheads think that'll make people buy subscriptions?
Or is it the fact that the marketing knobheads are probably right?
It actually makes economic sense for them to turn their app into a steaming, heaving pile of shit, because millions of people will buy a subscription in direct response to the shitness of the app.
Stop making me swim through shit, you motherless son-of-a-bitches, and I might actually buy stuff.
But that doesn't matter, because enough people will buy stuff *because* you're making them swim through shit.

Musical instrument of the day

Steaming pile of shite of the day.

Jackal of the day.

It's Lent so I've been using vim.

Tardigrade of the day

Right. I'm trying to put together a bot to replace @b2plane. I think this has potential.

Bing image creator just refused to give me a picture of Baba Yaga doing pair programming with Zmey Gorynych.
This makes no sense.

Setting up ci/cd pipelines is like swimming through shit.

Why does Visual Studio suddenly require Windows Subsystem for Linux in order to run a console app targeting Windows?

Why?

Wankers.